Tuesday, May 24, 2011

time for a change

as women it's natural for us to have self esteem issues, right?
this is what i'm telling myself anyway.

girls tend to be SO emotional, full of DRAMA, whiney, "does this make me look fat?"
this is why i don't like females in general.
i don't do DRAMA!!
(good thing i have 2 girls of my own right?? heaven help me!)

the past few days i've felt "squishy"
i don't enjoy that feeling.

growing up, i've always been pretty thin.
good genetics are a blessing!!
i've weighed right around the same weight since junior high.
and while i pretty much skipped size zeros,
i've always worn the same size jeans.
except when i'm preggers.
and even then, i'm fortunate enough to only have to go up a couple sizes rather than buy maternity pants.
they never fit right and are never long enough.
and i refuse to pay the price for the brands that would.
32 week with little mookie - photo by Brittany Davis Photography

this post is not meant to brag
i just need to vent a bit on my current squishy-ness

i've given birth to 3 children
most bodies don't completely bounce back from bearing children
mine included

and while i've never been 'big', i've always been 'soft'
no flat tummy for me EVER

having my children was beautiful
and i feel incredibly blessed that i was able to conceive, carry and birth them myself

Miss at 1 year old (above)

Baby Girl at 6 months old (below)

32 weeks with Little Mookie - photo by Brittany davis Photography

my body was very accommodating to carrying a child
and i'm grateful for that

and while the baby weight from Baby Girl fell off on it's own
i had to work to get it off with Miss
and work even harder to get back to pre-baby weight with Mookie

however, i've kind of stopped exercising
and eating right
and i drink a LOT of soda
and no water

some days i don't drink any water at all.
bad, i know.
my girls 1 1/2 & 3 - june 2008 (above)

36 weeks with Mookie (below)

above and below - may 2011
5 1/2, 4 & 11 months

june 2008

so here's what i'm getting at, people.

i'm not happy with my body in it's current state.
and while i may not be big, and while you might think, "you have nothing to worry about"
it's an issue for me
i've always struggled with self esteem and body image
just like so many girls do at some point
i completely envy those that don't go through it!!

quite often i look at my handsome hubs and wonder how in the world i got so lucky
he's in love with me just as much as i am completely in love with him
why did he choose me out of any other girl he could have had?
and trust me, he could have had anyone.
did you see his picture up there??


i look at my children and wonder how i was so blessed to get such wonderful kids
kids that are well behaved
love unconditionally
laugh full belly
are so so SO cute

i am a blessed woman.

and yet i struggle.
trials of life, man.
they're rude.

SO... rather than sit and HOPE that this squishy-ness goes away on it's own
while i sit with a soda in hand watching my kids play, eating oreos by the handful late at night, not exercising in the slightest

i'm going to fix it.
with the support of others of course. :)
because that's another blessing in my life - amazing family and friends

i told hubs he's not allowed to let me drink one!!
it's a weakness for me. i have 2 or 3 a day. :)

i'm signed up for a 5k on june 11.
totally not ready, but i'm going to be as prepared as possible between now and then starting today.

while i'm not limiting myself to ONLY water, i certainly need to be drinking more of it.

somehow i feel like putting all of this here
makes me more responsible and accountable for my actions related to it

here's to a better outlook on life, body image and level of self esteem!!

what about you??
anything you're struggling with?
any advice for me??

hit me with it! :)


Andy & Melissa VanDenover said...

So first of all.... As you say.... You are totally blessed in the body dept, but as someone that has recently lost 42 lbs and just endured a "bad" month where there was no loss, but at least I maintained... I understand your feeling.....
I have had to completely re-dedicate myself to ZUMBA and also to my training (Hence my 550am runs)!

One of the biggest reasons for this.... Is I'm also running the 5K in June and I'm running with my pretty awesome BFF, that I look up to and I don't want to let her down.... (we're running the whole thing)!!!
My biggest advice on the water drinking... Get a jug... (maybe not my 1gallon jug) but start out with a 1/2 gallon jug and fill it up in the morning and make it a goal to drink all of it within the day. Yes, it looks like a lot of water.... But over the entire day it isn't that much. It may be harder at first but make a challenge of it.

Just remember.... I'm always here for you! I LOVE it when you come to Zumba with me! (we need to get you a pass) You make it so much fun and I'm sure we burn more calories due to all of our laughter..... (gimme dolla, gimme dolla, gimme dolla)
Also... I'm always up for a run. So if there is ever a day you need to go running but don't feel like it, but know that if someone else went with, you'd go.... CALL ME! I'll go with you!

Ashley said...

Oh hun I totally feel ya! Same thing good genetics but kinda squishy in the middle and when I sit down there is a roll! I don’t like it, I ignore it…it screams back at me, I don’t like it. I never have exercised and Blake loves everything about me…even my squishy parts. But I never felt like exercising before since I was having kids too. Now that I’m done with kids I am realizing that this isn’t going anywhere and the cookies in the oven are not helping. I’ve never been a soda drinker but I totally need to drink more water I don’t drink much of anything except tea with lots of cream and sugar…mmmm. I do like to shop though, so I figured I needed something to motivate me, but not something huge, something small enough to give me that nudge. So I get a dollar every day I exercise. It may sound dumb but that is a possibility of $30 a month! Not like I’ll ever get that much but even $20 more is awesome and it’s all about that principle that every small bit adds to the great part. So it’s fitting if you ask me. It gives me just enough of a nudge to do my DVD and get my dollar. I have exercised for 2 weeks missing only 2 days! I feel really good, love my DVD’s, and can do it at home which is a big bonus. Plus I just feel healthy and better…the roll is still yelling at me but at least I am yelling back at it a little…eventually it will go away though. Call me sometime and I’ll tell you more…it’s too much to type out. I love you though, you can totally do this hun, and you’re a super strong woman!

Brittany@Love Stitched said...

oh brother....I knew you prebaby, prego, after baby and you look AMAZING for all of the stages...BUT i totally understand what you are talking about and it doesn't matter what others say it's your body and you have to feel comfortable with it and yourself!
I tell my self every week I am going to start exercising and never do :-/
I wish we lived closer together we could do it together :)
I love you and I think you look great but do what makes you feel good! xoxo

bethsy_e said...

I am in the same boat. Like you and many girls out there, I can say that I do not love a single thing about my body. I always have so many negative things to say about how I look, and wonder why I wasn't blessed with so and so's body. But let me just tell ya throughout high school I went without chips, chocolate and soda, wasn't hard. Now I usually have to tell myself that chips and candy are disgusting so I don't have any, but I still allow myself to have one or two at times. And well soda, you won't be missing out on anything, just remember to have water, and if you want something sweet with your meals have a lemonade or juice. Those are just somethings that help me. The changes you are applying to your life will make you healthier and happier! You also mentioned something very important, you are surrounded by family and friends who love you and will support you. Not to mention you have a BFF who is willing to do anything with you, take her up on it, use and abuse her, lol. Lastly, thanks for posting this, I think I will make a similar post. You have helped me remember that we are the only ones with control. We can choose to stay the same or do what we can to change what we can. I might never have Selena Gomez's body, but I can change things in my lifestyle to get me closer to a body that I might love one day!