Thursday, April 18, 2013

once upon a time

here's a little story...

 once upon a time, i had a blog i posted on. the end.

 here's another story...

 once upon a time, i posted again on afore mentioned blog. the end.

 ugh. you guys, i'm bad at blogging. i know this. and right now i'm mostly okay with it. but i want to do better! so here's my first post (in far too long) and hopefully i'll get better at it, right? right. that's my story, i'm sticking to it. sometimes my brain just goes, goes, goes. but never when i'm in a spot to actually write down whatever it is i'm thinking about. my favorite thoughts for blogging and sewing and such come when i'm running, in the shower or in the middle of something i NEED to get finished. today's post thoughts came to me yesterday while i was trying to finished Teacher Appreciation gifts (monogrammed totes) for my girls' school teachers. that need to be done by friday. that's tomorrow. awesome. anywho. i decided to stop for a few minutes and quickly scribble down the jumble of words filling my head and see if i could make sense of them. so here goes.

 do you ever feel like you need to be a part of something but don't know what? that's how i'm feeling today. and while that could (and generally DOES) apply to many facets in my life, today my mind is geared towards a business venture. i want to be part of something. something BIG. something FUN. but i don't want to be in charge. (which is why my shop is so here, there and everywhere) second in command? done. i can do that. head honcho? no thanks, i'll pass. i would be the. best. assistant. ever. as in EVER-EVER. for anything really. i like learning the ins and outs of things. how things work and why they work best that way. (i like to be efficient) i like knowing what's going on. i like being someone with answers when questions come up. i like the feeling that people can count on me to be able to hold the fort down if need be. i like being (kindly) told/shown/asked what to do and do it well. i was raised to do my best and do it right the first time around. that being said, let's get honest for a second, shall we?

 the beginning of every year tends to be harder for my family (financially) than the rest of the year. with hubs' job being outside, hours are slow and small with the ever-changing Utah weather. hubs is amazing and works hard with the best work ethic ever (several people have told me how hard and awesome a worker he is - proud wifey right here!). but when things get tight, i want to help out. more than what i do on a day-to-day basis of taking care of the kiddos and house stuff. right now i still have Mookie at home with me. he's not quite 3 so we still have a couple more years of him being home all day. i also have a daughter in kindergarten and a daughter in 2nd grade. (half day and full day) i also babysit my best friend's 8 month old boy (4-5 days a week). add to that, that i have an additional 2 girls on fridays for a few hours after school and you can maybe see why getting a traditional job kinda wouldn't work. if i didn't have to sleep, i could probably work in a graveyard shift, but then when would i see my husband? i wouldn't, and that's just not an option right now. family comes first and foremost, that's rule #1. (i do get paid for all the babysitting tho)

 as i mentioned, i have a shop. it's not open right now, but it's there. i go in spurts with it. sometimes i get really excited about things and work work work and get a bunch of things done BUT the trade off for that is that i zone out. from everything. when i work, i don't really get hungry or feel like taking a break. i just want to get things done and THEN stop for the day. the problem with that is that my family still wants to eat, the laundry still needs to get done, the house still needs to be cleaned, the kids still need help with homework and one-on-one time, my husband still needs time for just us -- and i haven't yet found the balance. after a while of working, things start to feel like i HAVE to do them. making things becomes a chore and i hate that. i get really stubborn when i feel like i HAVE to do something. and why have a shop full of things that feel like chores? there's no joy in that and i have plenty of chores to do as it is. i love sewing. i always have. i have loved it for the 17 years that i have been sewing and it is the only hobby that i've really stuck with. everything else is fun for about a week and then gets put away for months. "Jack of all trades, Master of none" <--- yep, that's me.

so where do i go from here?  i need something i can do from home, probably part time, flexible hours and reasonable deadlines.  i would love to help out with occasional events/markets/boutiques.  even blog posts/tutorials. (so long as i'm told what to do them on, of course, haha!)  anyone know of a dream job liek the one i just described??  anyone?  anyone?  bueller? ;)  no?  that's ok.  (but seriously, let me know if you do...)  sometimes it just helps for me to get jumbly thoughts out of my head so i can think more clearly.

in the mean time, here are the totes i've been working on for my girls' teachers.  nothing super fancy, but i hope they will find them useful.  awesome teachers are the best and i appreciate all of their hard work!  they do what i cannot and do such an amazing job of it!

come play!