Monday, January 16, 2012

let's be honest.

it's no secret that i struggle with self confidence.  i've talked about it before.  and it's been a while since i've had any big issues with it, but last night was just one of those nights where i was (apparently) a little sensitive.  what was meant to be a joke, my brain interpreted as something else and that's where the bad self-talk, the self questioning came into play.

why is that?  why is it that we as women do that to ourselves?  not to say that men can't/don't do it as well, but it just seems so much more prevalent in women.  or maybe it's just me.  i dunno.  some days i can handle it, laugh it off as the joke it's meant to be.  and other days it just eats at me.  hangs out in the back of my mind, always there to put me in my place if i get feeling a little too good about myself.  stupid bad self-talk.

i hate how it makes me question everything about myself.

i'll never be the kind to turn heads.
why even try to work out if it's not going to work anyway?
do i just stop and be stuck the way i am now forever?
or worse than i am now?
he said it trying to be funny, but is that what's really on his mind?
you're being too sensitive, he didn't mean it....  right?

it's like a constant circle of self-abuse.  you think one thing that might be positive, but then a question comes up that turns it right back into negative.  i hate that.  i hate what it does to me.  i hate what it does to us.  only i'm not quite sure how to fix it.  all i  know is that it's a continual work in progress for me.  

today is a new day.  a chance to push it behind me and look to a brighter day.

4 comments:

Ashley said...

You're so sweet and honest I love you! Lots of women have the same thing you do with that negative self talk. I never really have had that it's not in my personality, but it is very real and is in a lot of people's personality. I've got to share my favorite quote with you...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~ Marianne Williamson

Don't be afraid of your awesomeness, and don't be afraid that others can be jealous of that awesomeness.

Walk tall you're a daughter of God hun, and that's some pretty powerful stuff.

One last thought that I like to remember when I get a little down (which happnes once in a while if someone is just out right rude or makes you feel like crap on purpose)...

Satan will always tell you who you aren't and what you don't have...Heavenly Father will always tell you who you are, and what you have!

LOVE YOU!...Sorry long post!

Brittany@Love Stitched said...

I am SO the same way, but ummm hello your body is 10x better than mine and you've had THREE kids! your darling, sexy {yes I can say that} and so beautiful! don't ever forget it! xoxo love you friend!

Andy & Melissa VanDenover said...

Let's be honest......
You are an amazing woman that I look up to and admire every day!!!

You're strength and courage consistently amaze me.
I know that we all have our down days, and some of us more than others, but know that you ALWAYS have somewhere to turn.
I'm honored to be your friend and LOVE the time that we get to share together.

Besides.... Remember how I get compliments on my hair DAILY!!! That's all you sister! So you must be pretty AWESOME to be that good! :) Here is to NEW DAYS!

abby said...

oh leslie, if you only knew my struggles with the same issues. we should talk about it some time. elder wirthlin has a pretty great quote on this. i posted it a month or two ago. i really could write a novel on this. but let me just say for the record that you are SO kind, SO talented, and SO gorgeous. and a wonderful friend. i know you weren't asking for compliments, but you're getting them anyway!