i'm feeling really stressed and overwhelmed lately. and i think it's a lot of things just piling on top of each other that's making me so crazy. so please forgive me while i vent here for a minute. i try to realize that when i'm stressed or moody or just plain cranky, that there's usually a simple explanation behind it so i try to keep things in perspective that way. but recently, i just want to freak out about everything. EVERY. THING. and i know that i have things SO MUCH EASIER than a huge number of people in the world. i try to keep that in mind too.
so we just moved. not far, just across town and now we live right next door to hub's dad. (nicest, sweetest, most genuine man in the world) and the move went pretty smoothly considering that we found out on a Friday that we could move in the following Wednesday. so we packed, cleaned the house we moved to (that's a whole other post), moved our stuff to the garage and storage shed, waited for the carpet cleaners (yet another post), and finally got our things moved in (still in boxes) only to have to go back and clean our apartment for check out on wednesday. it was crazy and there is no way we could have done it without help from amazing friends and family. no way at all.
i like things to be organized. if i need something, i want to know that it's exactly where i think it should be. having everything in boxes and not remembering which box i put something in means that i have to open boxes and rifle through to see if it happens to be in that particular box. no? move on to the next box. and the next. and the next. until i have a dozen open boxes and crap everywhere. a rushed move didn't allow for very good labeling of contents in boxes.
hubs is still working during the day so i'm doing a lot of things with the 3 kids in tow while he's gone. stress. mookie still needs to nap, the girls still want to eat lunch when i could have gone without eating. number one was still in school when we moved so i had to stop to take/pick her up. the stop and go of the day didn't allow me to make very good progress in getting things sorted and put away.
add into all of this, the girls incredible lack of listening skills. any that they had previously, flew out the window and out of our lives. it still remains to be seen if they'll find more. this is where most of my stress lies. (among bills, boxes, and being a woman, etc) i just get so tired of being mad at them for doing things they KNOW they shouldn't be doing. things i've told them so. many. times. to not do. or the times that i have to repeatedly tell them to "knock it off" or "be quiet" or "put that away" i just want to scream! and i do. more than i'd like to admit. like they're testing EVERYTHING to my limits.
i want to do fun things with them. i want to have fun and take pictures and go to fun places. but when they're so naughty, why would you reward that?? yeah, it sucks for me, because not only are they getting punished but i am as well being stuck at home because i don't want to take them anywhere. they don't listen and don't listen and don't listen. so they spend a lot of time in their room these days. which is where they are now. they have no toys in there. not one. just their bed, a bucket of shoes and their closet. the barbie house, barbies, books, dress ups, toys - all in storage. and i want to give them back, but then they act all naughty again and it's easy to say "forget it"
i feel like i need a break. i love my kids. i truly do. they (and my hubs) are my life. without them i am not "me" but oh my goodness, it's a challenge! every. single. day. and maybe it's just because they're girls and so am i. maybe it's because number one is just like me. or that number two has a serious attitude issue. or that mookie is most definitely a momma's boy. or that they're ages almost 6, 4 and almost 1. i'm not sure. maybe it's me. whatever it is, i need to figure it out and find the balance. because i don't feel balanced. i feel chaotic and crazy and cranky and stressed and completely out of whack!
i need a break. and i want it for like a week. just me and my hubs, maybe some friends, but no kids. when i'm out without them, just running errands or whatever, i feel so much lighter. happier even. no worrying about who's touching what and where are they and who needs to go potty or needs a bottle. just me. when i get home, the heaviness sets in again and i'm instantly snappy and yelling about every little thing.
this is getting lengthy. sorry about that.
bottom line, i love my kids. but i'm feeling the stress of a bunch of stuff right now and am not myself. the shop will stay closed until i feel ready to re-open it. there are so many things i want to do and sew and i just don't have the time or patience to do them right now. i apologize for that. if you have any questions, please shoot me an email at ohlittlemookie(at)gmail(dot)com.
i sincerely apologize for those who are still waiting on things. i've just about got my work area set up and then i'll be sure to get things out to you.
thank you all for your time and patience while i find myself again!! :) loves to you all!!